Clue less, that's how I would describe myself back then. I was a teenager struggling with all the self-doubt and fear of the future that seems to epitomize that age. My cousin, the "Jesus freak," was trying to convert me but I was too distracted by life to think about what he said. He would tell me how Jesus had died for me but I didn't make a connection with why that should matter to me. My cousin's funeral was what got my attention and made the connection.
His death was accidental and unexpected. One day he was there laughing and teasing me like his little brother and the next I was at his funeral. His preacher was direct. He was one of those yelling preachers that pounded the podium just in case you were beginning to doze off at a key point. I don't remember a lot of what he said except for the part where he said he knew where my cousin was and that he could be joyful about that. Then he looked around the room at all of us and said that he was glad it wasn't one of us lying there or he wouldn't know what he could say to comfort those who remained. That's when I stopped being clue less. I knew all the rest of my problems and fears were nothing compared to that all important question of my relationship with God. As Jesus said, "What would it profit a man to gain the whole world and lose his soul?"
"I believe in Christianity as I believe that the sun has risen: not only because I see it, but because by it I see everything else." C. S. Lewis
I was no genius but I was an avid reader. I had sought answers in virtually every corner of philosophy. I didn't know if Jesus had the answers then. I only knew that nobody else did and his words seemed the only place I had sensed any hope. I hated authority and, like many teens back then, I had become a rabid communist. With time I would realize my problem with authority extended to God and I was not just "lost" but in open rebellion against his authority as well. He did not return my hatred; he opened his arms in invitation. With nowhere else to run, I ran to him.
I still haven't found all the answers but I know Jesus has them. He doesn't always choose to share those answers and sometimes I still struggle with why he withholds them. But, I am always learning to trust that he knows what is best for me in the end.
I have not always been true to Jesus but he has always been faithful with me and quick to forgive my unfaithfulness when I acknowledge it. More than 30 years after I first came to know him, I know without doubt that he will stay with me always. He was there all along calling me to himself and he did not give up. It really isn't "my" story, it's his.
I have recently come to know Jesus. I had been following a pagan religion and following false idols for the last decade. It seemed at the time that what I was doing was the right thing to do, however when you get caught up in something that dark, evil has a way of hiding Its true identity.
Over they years I have had many people come to me and witness the love of Jesus to me; but me being as head strong and stubborn as most young people are and having the normal attitude that young people do of "I know what I'm doing" I never listened to what they had to say. Finally one man talked to me that I would sit down and listen to. Me and him would sit in the parking lot after work and talk for hours sometimes. Over the course of the next year it was something I put a lot of thought on. and I stopped participating in pagan rituals at that time.
Then it was after I proposed marriage that I final built up the courage in me to go away from living a life so full of sin and to start to live for Jesus. After seeing the love that my girlfriend has and the love that her whole family has, it was clear to me that I wanted the love of Jesus in my life as well. It was amazing the changes that took place inside of me and that still are taking place. I was covered by negativity everywhere that I went and Jesus has taken that negativity out of my life. He has also shown me what it truly is to love, live, and be happy. It is hard for me to find the words to describe how in such a short time that Jesus has improved not only my life, but my outlook on the world. with Jesus in my life the world isn't the dark and scary place it seemed it was before.